Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing (Kindle Edition)
February 13th, 2010
From Publishers Weekly
Television, games, the Internet, peers and other forces shape children’s morality, but consultant and educator Borba (Parents Do Make a Difference) argues that it is parents who provide the most enduring modeling and instruction. Kids, she asserts, should be fortified against the onslaught of increasingly negative cultural influences violent video games, nasty music lyrics by parental involvement and guidance. Designed as a guide for parents and caregivers of children from three to 15 years old, the book describes an epidemic deficiency in the moral development of American kids and outlines seven virtues (Empathy, Conscience, Self-Control, Respect, Kindness, Tolerance and Fairness) to be engendered in children. Devoting an identically designed chapter to each virtue, she defines the virtue in accessible and secular language. She then provides a test for parents to assess their children and offers practical actions parents can take on a daily basis. Throughout, her tone is pragmatic and optimistic. She advises parents to make sure they are providing a moral example that they would want their children to follow in other words, watch their own behavior. She advises parents to be direct about their own moral beliefs and encourage specific virtuous behaviors. Borba concludes the book with a helpful resource list. A packed storehouse, this helpful, informative and hopeful book will be dog-eared over years of consultation. (July)Forecast: Many readers will recognize Borba’s name; as an expert on “bullying,” she makes frequent TV appearances, and on Oprah’s Mom Online she is the “Moral Intelligence Pro.” This book is timely; given public debates on media violence, and the prevention of juvenile crime, it’s likely to be widely read and referenced.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
Writing with confident authority and providing good, current references, Borba offers “a step by step blueprint for enhancing your child’s moral capacity” the ethical compass that charts a youngster’s moral fate. She first defines seven intertwining “essential virtues of moral intelligence and solid character”: empathy, conscience, self-control (these first three form a “moral core”), respect, kindness, tolerance, and fairness. Ensuing chapters suggest how to incubate, nurture, and master individual virtues using realistic, workable methods. The book recalls Becky A. Bailey’s Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline (LJ 2/15/00), which frames “loving guidance” in seven-part structures (seven values for living, seven powers of self control, etc.). It’s also similar to Borba’s own Parents Do Make a Difference (Jossey-Bass, 1999). All these books have noble goals yet require a high initial investment of energy and time; this is not a quick fix but a way of living. Of course, many of those who really need Borba’s book won’t read it; if more people mastered these traits, the world would be a different and better place. Recommended for larger public libraries. Douglas C. Lord, Connecticut State Lib., Hartford
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.
There are seven essential virtues–empathy, conscience, self-control, respect, kindness, tolerance, and fairness–that the author believes helps a child deal with ethical challenges and pressures she will encounter throughout life. Each chapter offers strategies for enhancing moral intelligence including…a self-test to evaluate your child’s virtue strength, practical ways to enhance the virtue (several to choose from, so you can choose the ones best suited to your child’s temperament and learning style), discussion questions to help launch a dialog with your child, and much more. The one thing that was missing was information on what behavior is developmentally appropriate by age. For example the quizzes on each virtue are great…but perhaps it’s not as serious if a 4-year-old is somewhat selfish or less empathetic than it is for a 12-year-old. Other than that and the occasional feeling like the book was written for some parents needing significant moral boosting themselves (advice like “don’t ask your kids to lie for you”), I found the book very educational and uplifting.
Bottom line – This book provides tools to teach critical ethical principles to your child…enabling parents (teachers, etc.) to better model, inspire and reinforce these moral values.
While I still maintain a child can best learn from a positive example, unfortunately in today’s society, not all parents are setting positive examples. I have counselled many children over the years and in a vast majority of cases, what has contributed most to the need for counselling in the first place has been the absence or lack of adequate parenting skills. There are excellent parents in existence, for many it comes naturally. For others, they never “get the act together.” Some individuals, for whatever reason, simply do not possess the bonding ability, tolerance, time, energy, understanding and financial resources to raise a child for the first eighteen years of their life. There are also those parents who feel they are doing “everything right” when in reality, they may be making every mistake in the book.
When a child has become so unhappy, emotionally insecure, rude, defiant and/or physically abusive that the parent(s) can no longer deal with their child, he/she is inevitably pointed in the direction of a counsellor, either by the parent(s) or the courts, to miraculously “fix the problem.” In many cases, had the child been raised in a positive, loving, nurturing, understanding, respectful and accepting environment, and learned the importance of moral intelligence, the child would not be sitting in front of me at all. Good relationships, whether it be husband and wife, parent(s) and child, do not just happen. They need time, open communication, commitment, love, understanding, encouragement and a lot of work if they are to grow and survive. “Building Moral Intelligence…” is an excellent learning tool for young, inexperienced parents or any parent who chooses to expand their knowledge on the subject. This book does not have all the answers, no one ever does, but it is an excellent place to start, learn and grow for both parent and child.
In this book, the author bases moral intelligence around seven issues: conscience, empathy, self-control, respect, kindness, tolerance and fairness. I would like to have seen honesty added to the list. Over time, I have seen some very insecure children who feel they do not measure up to their parents’ pre-determined standards (or fear the actions of their parents) become pathological liars. Honesty, like the other areas mentioned in the book, is an important key issue to be learned from an early age. The excellent hands-on activities in this book, dealing with everything from conflict resolution to social justice, are the book’s most impressive aspect. The positive information presented in this book not only helps to build strong moral intelligence but sets the foundation for healthy, secure, well-adjusted children. Again, the book works best when followed by strong parental examples.
I applaud this book!
During my 25 years teaching in public schools, I have witnessed a disturbing shift in the way young people view themselves and the world around them. In the midst of troubling news about kids today, Building Moral Intelligence offers a refreshing look at what can be.
A healthy mix of background information, authoritative research, and anecdotal content leads the reader to practical tools to evaluate and encourage positive personal growth. Clearly written and well edited, Dr. Borba’s book offers a realistic understanding of current trends, then provides concrete solutions that address each critical issue.
As one of the world’s leading authorities on moral development, Dr. Borba has given us a real book for real people. Building Moral Intelligence holds the key to what is possible for kids everywhere. This should be mandatory reading for every parent, every politician, and every citizen who cares about the health of this nation.